The Darkest Comedy: Israel and Palestine

 By

Sean Ewart

This is so stupid.

As we are all aware, Israel and militants in the Gaza Strip are fighting… again. Israel is targeting terrorists in Gaza, and killing civilians in the process, while the terrorists in Gaza are targeting Israeli civilians with crude rockets. They are mostly missing.

Without getting into the politics of today’s conflict (i.e. the role of the new Egyptian government in the affair and the upcoming Israeli elections) the obvious should be stated: this conflict is fucking dumb. And, speaking on behalf of everyone, Israel and Palestine need to knock it off.

First of all, Israel was founded by European Jews who wanted a country where they could be free from persecution. Fair enough.

These European Jews also wanted their homeland to be associated with the Biblical places where Judaism itself arose. They didn’t want to be just anywhere. Makes sense.

And while there certainly were people in the region of Palestine living there before the European Jews started migrating to the Holy Land, there was never a State of Palestine. Ever.

Until hundreds of thousands of European Jews fled the Holocaust in the 1930’s and 40’s, there really wasn’t much animosity between the European (Jewish) population and the Arab (Palestinian) residents. Sure there were some tense moments. But it was never open warfare.

But then 1948 happened, and 1967, and now there is Israel, a “Jewish” state, and the Occupied Territories where Palestinians generally live in pretty shitty conditions. The Occupied Territories, for the uninitiated, are the West Bank and Gaza Strip and they are under Israeli military law.

But, you see, it’s hilarious that this is the case.

Because the West Bank, where a lot of Palestinians are living really shitty lives, happens to be located in the highlands.

And that – this is the funny part – is where the Jews, as a people, came from.

In fact, most of the modern state of Israel is located on the coastal plains and at the time of the Kingdoms of David and Solomon and during the ethnogenesis of the Hebrew nation that was controlled by Canaanites and Philistines.

The original settlements of the original Hebrews.

 Tel Aviv, for example, is not a “historically” Jewish city.

So Israel talks about their historical right to the land (which is stupid, but whatever) but isn’t even located in their historical land.

If Israel was concerned – really concerned – about their Biblical inheritance, they would swap with the residents of the West Bank. But the West Bank is shitty, so that’s not going to happen.

But it does sort of explain why there are so many settlers – and they are all assholes. Every single one of them.

So as civilians die, needlessly, remember that the whole conflict is predicated on the idea that Jews generally have a right to the Holy Land because of god (even though a lot of Israelis are secular. LOL.) but then they sort of forgot what part of the Holy Land they were “given.”

And Palestinians, who also think the Holy Land is “holy” (because most of them are Muslim – or Christian – and so equally nuts), are resorting to asymmetrical warfare (because they are poor) to fight off the Jews who are occupying the region.

That’s the worst part. The next generation of Israelis and Palestinians is being taught to hate the other because of a twisted joke. And the world will suffer as the conflict continues to draw the international community in.

It’s the darkest comedy on Earth.

Any possibility for lasting peace needs to take into account the fact that the two primary parties in this conflict are entirely enamored with the most insane beliefs known to man. 

It's important to remember that civilians are dying, and have been dying, because two peoples feel that holy land is worth paying for with blood. 

Anyone who wants to get out, on either side, I have a couch free and I don't give a shit who your ancestors were 4,000 years ago.

*Note: It should be said that Jews have lived in Palestine continuously (and in small numbers) for thousands of years. The State of Israel, however, was brought to life only after European Jews, under the banner of Zionism (which is like white privilege - but for Jews) was thought up in the 1800's. Certainly Jews and Muslims and Christians can get along. But not so long as each group lays claim to their own uniquely divine right to certain patches of dirt. It's fucking dirt. And dirt is never worth the life of innocent people. - E.S.P.